☼ Find Me, Fix Me

Sometimes I wonder why my life is like this...

Almost a 180 degree turn from who and where I used to be before.

Have I failed already?

Sometimes, I wonder continuously why my life sucks so much.

Why it seems to be full of bad timing.

Why, why, why?

It keeps getting more and more difficult to keep my head up...

More and more difficult to be proud of myself.

Someone, please hear me...

Needless to say, I don't like who I am.

My life....I don't know where it's heading.

Tell me, tell me

I have nothing planned,

I can only hope, or pray, for the best.

I'm sick of hoping

Some things are completely beyond our realm of control.

Most things are, in fact.

I hate losing control

But it keeps getting harder and harder to remember

That nothing happens randomly.

I've been sick for so long

That nothing happens at the "wrong time"

That nothing happens because of luck -- good or bad.

This is the way things are supposed to be?

That everything happens because it was all planned out by God.

That he has a purpose for my life.

What puporse?

But it's so difficult to remember...

When I can see are my failures and shortcomings.

Failures...only failures...

I want to try

But I cannot.

I've tried, but I could not succeed

I cannot do anything

But simply wait.

I'm tired of waiting

These things that they are saying...

No, I don't want to think about it.

No, don't tell me these things...never want to consider that possibility

It seems all so familiar...

The world of black and white.

The printed world

Re-enactment of a tragedy,

A death.

Such a romantic ending

Tell me, anyone, tell me

How I can keep believing

Tell me...

How I can stay alive

How to keep my head up

Tell me...

When my neck is close to being broken

With all of this are weighing down on my head.

How?

Tell me, anyone, tell me

When everything will get better

Tell me...

When I will stop failing

When this storm will pass

Tell me...

Since I've missed my chances of shelter

And I'm being tossed in these winds.

When?

Tell me, anyone, tell me

What happened?

Tell me...

What will happen now?

What will happen in the future

Tell me...

When the path ahead is so foggy

And all the pitfalls are hidden from sight

What happens?

Most of all

Tell me, anyone, please tell me

I'm sick of searching by myself

Why this all had to happen

Why I've failed countless times

Please answer, anyone

And why it seems that I'll keep failing

Even if I try my best.

Why?

No, even if there were people here to tell me,

I wouldn't really understand:

I already know

I already know, myself,

The answer to most of these questions.

???

Especially the last.

The only problem is knowing all this

...I can't deal with it

And keep going on

And on

And on

Can anyone hear me?

I've been calling out to you my whole life...