☼ Find Me, Fix Me

The ceiling...
Looking up and waiting
The cracks there...they existed before I looked up to acknowledge these blemishes
And now, I stand unmoving, head tilted upwards and observing these crevices deepen, spread, like an infection.

It's too early for me to have depressing thoughts...
So they aren't really depressing...I guess just some form of reflection..
I've been thinking....
Can love without passion still be called love?

It seems like everything is about to fall apart so quickly, that I wouldn't be able to catch the pieces.
It's like this ominous aura threatening to loom over and take over...
Maybe it's why I'm scared to be alone...
I try not to think, I try to believe...

 
 
1. Judy
2. Josh
3. Eric
4. Christine
5. Lily
6. Nancy
7. Phillip
8. Adante
9. Shawn
10. Myself
1. How did you meet your #1? Church
2. Have you ever kissed #1? For spin the bottle
3. Would you kiss #1 if you havent kissed them yet? No.
4. Which one on your top 10 would you like to hang out with today? All of them :)
5. Is #3 good looking? I've already answered this
6. Is #2 single or taken? Single, as far as I know
7. Does #4 drink? Water, juice, soda, other non-alcoholic beverages, yes
8. How did you meet #5? Church
9. Best memory you have with #7: Toronto and winter break were good times lol
10. Worst thing that has ever happened between you and #3? Nothing.
11. Are you related to any of your top 10? If so which #'s. None of them
12. Could you imagine #3 and #8 dating? Noooope
13. Would you make out with #6? Nope.
14. Are any of your top 10 friends in a fight with another one of your top 10? I don't think so
15. Do you think #10 is ugly? Heck yeah. Hella ugly.
16. Does #4 have a job? If so do you know where? Don't think she does
17. Does #6 have issues? Haha, not really
18. Is #1 your top friend for a reason, if yes, what? No, random
19. Does #9 have children? Nope
20. Does #4 live near you? Not really, no
21. Last time you physically saw #9? Sunday
22. Last time you spoke with #2: On AIM, currently. Last time verbally was this Sunday, at church
23. Funniest memory you share with #7: Hm...there's quite a few. Can't think of funniest one..
24. Does #3 have any siblings? Yep
25. Would you trade your life for the life of #6? Sure, but it depends on what circumstances
26. Most embarrassing thing you know about #4: Lol...she didn't know what a .... was until I told her...Not sure if it's most embarrassing, but it's pretty embarrassing?
27. Do #3 and #7 know each other? Haha know each other? Of course.
28. Have you ever hung out with all 10 in a group? Yeah, except not at the same time.
29. Does #10 have a blog? Lol. What do you think?
30. Is #10 boring? Yeah
31. Favorite color of #8: No clue
32. Does #1 have a dog? Nope
33. Have you ever had a falling out with #10? Falling out? Not sure what that means...But I'm guessing no?
34. Do you know a secret about #2? Yeah, I think so
35. Is #7 a virgin? Yeah
36. Does #8 text you? I don't have texting. Even if I did, most likely no. He doesn't even have my phone number
37. Last text message from #4; what did it say? Never texted me
38. Is #1 close to you right now? Yeah, she lives pretty close by
39. Last time you called #9: Sunday
40. What kind of car does #2 drive? Not really sure. Just a regular car lol. Silver, I think.
41. What would you say if #3 and #10 started dating? I would know, wouldn't I? If I didn't, I would be VERY surprised. This doesn't seem at all likely
42. How would you react if #8 kissed you? I'd be like WTF?!?!?!
43. How would you react if #3 pinched your butt? ^^^Same reaction as above -____-
44. Do #1 and #10 get along? Yeah
45. Have you ever kissed #6? Nope
46. Last place you went with #3: School, other than that, church or the C
47. Last time you hugged #2: Last last Sunday, I think
 
48. Which did you talk to last: I'm guessing talking as in there's actually sound...so that would be Lily.
49. Do you know #7's phone number by heart? Home phone, yeah, though I didn't try memorizing it
50. What would you say if you walked in a room, and caught #3 having sex with #10? What. The. Fxxx.
51. Does #5 know a deep dark secret about you? Not sure
52. Is #5 single? As far as I know, yes
53. Is #9 a loud person? He can be, but he's usually quiet in a large group?
54. Does #10 have a secret that you know? I know all her secrets. I think..
55. Has #8 ever been arrested? Not that I know of, but I think he hasn't
56. Has #3 ever been arrested? Not that I know of....JK, nope, he hasn't
57. Would you ever make out with #9? Nope
58. Does your #1 know something about you that no one else does? Hm, I'm not sure.
59. Have you ever seen #2 naked? No
60. Has #1 ever seen you naked? No
61. Would you skinny dip with #3? ......I don't think I'd ever skinny dip
62. What kind of car does #8 have? No idea
63. What is #4's favorite food? Not sure
64. When is #10's birthday? June 6
65. When is #2's birthday? April 7
66. When is #9's birthday? Not sure lol...Don't remember
67. Is #4 mean to other people? Kind of..
68. Is #5 funny? Yep
69. Most embarrassing thing you know about #9: Lol he injured his finger and had to get a cast for a pretty ridiculous reason, though that's likely not the most embarrassing
70. Is #8 a party animal? Not sure, probably not? Don't know..
71. Have you ever seen #2 drunk? Nope
72. Have you ever danced with #1? Not really. Not even at homecoming, we didn't really dance together much lol..
73. Would you have kids with #1? No
74. What would you do if #3 got you pregnant? What. The. Fxxx.
75. What would you say if #1 got #4 pregnant? That would be quite a feat.
75. Is #10 straight? Yes
76. Is #8 straight? Yes, I think so
77. Do you think #7 is a fun person? Yup
78. Is #2 weird? Sometimes lol. But in a good way
 
79. What is #1's pet peeve? Not really sure...there are probably a few, but I don't know
80. What are #6's parents names? No idea

 
 

 
 
One: Josh
Two: Judy
Three: Adante lol
Four: Eric
Five: Nancy
Six: Lily
Seven: Christine
Eight: Phillip
Nine: Shawn
Ten: Myself

Top 10 Friends
Put 10 Friends in the next spaces,1-5 Same Sex,6-10 Opposite.
1.: Christine
2.: Lily
3.: Nancy
4.: Judy
5.: Myself..
6.: Eric
7.: Ru lol
8.: Josh
9.: Phillip
10.: Shawn
Have you ever kissed 10: No lol
Who did you meet 8: Who? You mean where...Where, would be at church.
Is 1 your best friend: Not as much anymore..but she's still a good friend
Would you ever date 7: HAHAHAHAHA no..
Have you ever hugged 4: Yeah...really really tightly for that dare
Do your parents like 3: They don't know her that well
Is 6 your gf/bf?: Haha no
How long have you known 5: Since I was born...
Which 3 are you closest with: I'm pretty close with all of them. Except Ru. And maybe Eric.
Is 2 smart: Yep
Where would you take 10 on a date: .....
Does 1 get on your nerves: Not really
Does 7 have a big mouth: OH YEAH..DEFINITELY. I can never get him to shut up. JK. No. Not at all.
Do you and 4 go to the same school: yep
How tall is 8: Not sure
Is 9 Quiet: He can be, I guess. But I guess for the purpose of answering the question...no, not really.
Do you find 10 attractive: Haha. Not really. Sorry Shawn.
How about 6: He's alright
Between 1-5 Who do you view as a sibling: Lily and Judy, I guess
Between 6-10 Who do you view as a sibling: They're my brothers in Christ! :)
Has 7 seen you naked: Hahaha no
What is 5 favorite color: Doesn't have one. Anything that isn't too obnoxiously bright. Lol.
What is 1 favorite movie: Not sure.
Is 4 your best friend: One of them, yes :)
Would 1 and 8 make a good couple?: Hahaha. That would be pretty entertaining. But I'm not sure..I guess not really?
5 and 6: What the heck..It would be interesting to see how Eric would act having a girlfriend. But I don't think we would make a good couple.
2 and 3: No.
4 and 10: No.
Are 7 and 9 Friends?: Yeah.
Has any of them ever dated: I think so. Josh, right?
Would you ever date 9: Same answer as last time. Only if we like each other at the same time lol.
Who do you find the most attractive: I'm going to copy Lily's answer on this one.
Is 2 good in sports: Not sure..
Is 1 a virgin: Yeah.
has 5 ever been to your house: What do you think?
Have you been over 5's house: What do you think?
Are 3 and 7 Best Bud's: Not best buds, but they might be friends. Not sure.
When is 6's Birthday: October 22
Do you love 1?: Sure
Do you love 8?: Sure
Who would you want to be in your wedding: All of them, if there is one. If there is one, I'd especially hope that I'd be there. Lol.
Is 4 smart: Yeah
Is 9 a tease: Hahahahahahaha whut?
Are 2 and 6 Friends: Yeah
How many siblings does 9 have: 1
Why did you put number 10 last: I tried to put them in random order.
Why did you put number 1 first: Same as above. ^^^
When was the last time you talked to 3: Seventh hour today
Are 1 and 9 Friends: Yeah
Who is most addicted to myspace: I don't think any of them use myspace
Who is best in Football: Shawn and Josh, probably
Who is best in Basketball: Shawn and Josh again, probably
Who is the fastest: Josh and Eric, probably
Who is the slowest: Ru, because he probably wouldn't try?
Who would you fight for: All of them, though it wouldn't be much, since I wouldn't really be of any help
Who do you trust: All of them
Who would you want to have your kids with: Not sure about having kids. For right now, I don't really want any.
Who is the funniest: They're all funny in their own, unique ways :)
Who is the nicest: They're all pretty nice, I guess.
Who is the meanest: Me, probably
Who have you known longest: Myself.
Who do you tell everything to: Myself?
Who tells you everything: Myself.
Who is your best friend: Jesus =)

Didn't really get a good sleep last night.
Last night, I had a dream.
In my dream, I was having a nightmare.
But apparently it was one that I had before, so I knew what would happen next, but I couldn't stop the things from happening.

Past two days were snow days.
Feeling really lazy...a little undermotivated. Not good at all.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like I've done something irreversible.

Today seemed a whole lot shorter.
Probably because I didn't have physics today.
The prayer thing went pretty well, I guess. A little short though.
In lit, we did an in-class write. Then we were put in groups of two guys and two girls to discuss our song lyrics and stuff. Then we had to come up with a group definition of poetry, and choose one song that best fits our definition and list 3 ASRs that show why/how. Our group was pretty inefficient. There were some interesting lyrics though...This one guy with pretty bad handwriting wrote the definition, except he used "=" instead of writing an actual sentence, so the other guy wrote over it in pen, upside down, with the word "is." Then I added on to the end of it. So yeah..that must've looked pretty messed up. Then we took so long to choose a song to write about. We ended up using mine though lol. And they thought that since it was "my song" that I should write it. Lol. But yeah...while they talked, I just started writing everything myself. But they did help a little bit.