☼ Find Me, Fix Me

I'm seriously screwed.

I'm going to bomb that physics test.

Sigh...

My stomach still hurts no matter how much I eat, and head still hurts even if I take Tylenol or Advil.

I know I'll end up failing everyone who cares for me.

So....Sorry.

I don't what's been happening...

All I know is that things have to get better.

We don't sleep to dream
We sleep to build stamina

when happiness doesn't work...

So much crap to do. I feel so stupid with my whining. It's probably only going to get worse.

And all I can do is stare stupidly at the present speeding off into the distance, leaving me in a cloud of dust and confusion and helplessness, and a broken rope in my hand, frayed and tired for having to pull my deadweight. There's no rush of wind, no whistling of the wind as it grazes past my ears, no thrill of the ride of being present, there's no blood pumping through my veins in that crazy rhythm. All I can do is blink and stare blankly, wondering what happened and when that rope broke, and when this wagon I am standing on will finally slow to a stop...or if I'll fall off before that happens.

I'm blind. And too prideful.

Even if I say and believe that I am nothing, I still have my stubborn pride.

Right now, I think that it would make me feel a lot better if I could just beat the crap out of my stupid, annoying little brother. Seriously, I'm thinking of just pummeling him with a hammer or something. So freaking annoying. Sometimes I feel like I really want to kill him.

A lot of things have been pissing me off lately. Seriously.

Sometimes I would like nothing more than to give them a piece of my mind and a sock to their faces.

My head hurts and I'm freaking pissed.

You know what's sad and depressing?

Listening to sad instrumental music or emo music while people are arguing in the background.

Please don't comment.

Or ask me how I am. If you do, I don't know how I would be able to forgive you.

feel

like

Sometimes I think I should stop thinking about things so much...

After a while, it doesn't do myself (or anyone, for that matter) any good.

Well, all I'm going to say that this year's trip was truly a blessing. It was pretty fun, too.

Our plane left an hour late, because there was a mix-up that I don't really feel like explaining, partially because I'm not 100% sure what it actually was.

I am so frustrated!

And that's an understatement...

I feel like such a failure.

I feel really stupid to ever think that this would all work out.

why am I crying again??

I'm fricking weak