☼ Find Me, Fix Me

It's one of those days again.
I feel happy, but also sad at the same time.
So today I decided to bake cupcakes for the bake sale. I didn't make it last night because it would be cold by the time we have the bake sale. And I decided that it would be better if we had warm cupcakes to sell. I had decided that I would wake up really really early in the morning to make it, but my mom just told me to make it at church. I didn't want my mom to miss Sunday School, since it's so important to her. Not that Sunday School isn't important to me, but I was compelled to try to do this myself.
I didn't ask Judy and Lily to help, since I didn't want to take too many people away from Sunday School. Didn't ask Josh either, since he was the only person there at the time, for Sunday School. I didn't want to ask Shawn to help, since I didn't want too many people missing from the high school boy's Sunday School either. But Allen was just like "come help." I at first didn't want Allen to help out either, since I didn't want him to miss Sunday School and because he's not a high schooler, but I decided that I would just let him help since I was guessing that not many people would be able to help out.

This is stupid.
I have to go to the doctor's office again.
Apparently they may need  me to take more tests.
And correction, the doctors say that I had mono "a long time ago." I'm not sure if they know when. And I don't know what they mean by "a long time ago."

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So I just back from the doctor's.
Apparently they think I have the mono virus.
I'm not sure where I'd have gotten it from if I really have/had it.
Apparently it's usually transmitted by oral fluid (like saliva).

Does God want me freaking dead or something??
Sigh forget about that part.
I'm just angry that this is happening.
I thought I would never say this, since I really dislike saying it, but FML.

Run - Snow Patrol 
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

I suggest you not read this post until you have no more homework left.
Or if you know you won't get sidetracked....

Lol...okay? That's good to hear?

Don't you guys know?
Every moment spent with you makes it harder and harder for me to let go. Harder for me to give up.
When, in this world, that's all I ever felt like doing...
I'm going crazy.

It feels like things are just happening at the wrong time.
I feel like throwing up, but my throat is constricted.
Why do they have to say such things now?
Why do they have to present with me these new burdens, when I have this other stuff going on as well?